A Gorgeous Whip

The book pulled from my Pagan father’s house was covered brown in dust

I opened it weeks after the find and the cover bore an unfamiliar symbol

The incantation spoke of summoning the love of your life

And as lonely a man as I am I suppose it was impossibly compelling

Where it called for goat’s blood I used Heinz ketchup

Where it called for incense I used a potpourri candle

And where it called for a blood sacrifice, I placed a cold rotisserie chicken

When the incantation was spoken, with myself in the center of the pentagon, smeared with ketchup and giggling at how silly my insomnia had made me

I did not expect “The Whip”

She burst into existence in the corner of the salted room

Approached me with a gorgeous face, straight golden hair, and as beautiful as the day is long

As long as your type bears curling horns over her ears, hairy legs ending in hooves

And a black and red striped whip that she cracks every time I flinch, and nearly every time I don’t

I bought “The Whip” flowers, she braided them into her hair and beat me with the kitchen stool

I cooked rare lamb for “The Whip”, and she devoured both portions, calling me a “fat whelp” before sending me to our bedroom for our traditional three and half hours of bondage and beatings

I swear that she is the love of my life

And if I do not swear

She makes me drink toilet water

Beware the dusty books

Beware the lack of existence of “The Whip’s” safe word

And bring expensive red wine to dinner

The Whip insists


Freaks All

The goat boy is the biggest draw at the fair

When really the goat boy is 56 years old and makes a living mewling and baaa-ing

So loud half the damn visitors peel off four tickets to meet him

And they leave disappointed at the sight of an old man with a set of horns strapped to his head

Porn mag in one hand and a Budweiser in the other

Glaring them right in the eye

With a good chaw spit at the feet of every one of them

Now there’s also the worlds biggest alligator

But he floats in embalming fluid and wiggles to the jig a of stick fixed to his belly

And then there’s the worlds tiniest horse, but that mare keeps getting bigger and bigger

The bearded lady draws in a couple dozen

Then winks so hard the guests make their way past right quick

The barker

Now there’s a man worn his dollar

And a hell of a fine pickpocket

I always looked up to the freaks at the fair

And I’ll be damned if I nearly can swallow the whole sword

And I’ll be damned but I’m only ten or thirteen piercings to attain Freak

And I’ll be damned but cotton candy for dinner

Is taking its toll


The reindeer are known to play their reindeer games

And the elves in the village typically look the other way when the deer begin to roughhouse and play pranks

But at some times

When the stable is snowed in and Rudolph’s nose warms the stall with his red light

The reindeer get a little carried away

Now we all know that Dancer, Prancer, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen pull Santa’s sleigh every year

And of course we all discuss the good merit of the gentle Rudolph

But what we don’t know is that Santa has a few more reindeer, and one of them

Well one of them cannot fly in the least

And the thing about being different boys and girls

Is that sometimes being different can make you misunderstood

It can make you stick out from the other reindeer

And sometimes it can even make some of the nicest reindeer

Poke fun a little too hard or too often

Sprint was the name of the grounded reindeer

And Sprint was the fastest of the reindeer on hoof through the snow

But all of the reindeer could fly whenever they liked

Leaving Sprint behind

Walking alone along the South Pole tundra

One day boys and girls Sprint was teased so badly

Well Sprint decided he was better off on his own

Away from the bullying and jokes the other deer played

Sprint ran away from the village

He grazed on the grass beneath the snow and saw the beautiful Northern lights far away in the cold

And Sprint never considered

That he would be missed immensely by the other reindeer

That the elves would grow concerned

And that Santa would miss his favorite reindeer very quickly

Santa, well Santa checked on Sprint and his reindeer friends every night

Bringing them a big red sack full of candy canes and hay

And when Santa came to Sprint’s empty stall in the stable

Santa immediately sent every elf and reindeer in the village out to find their deer friend

When Sprint was found all of the village sighed in relief

And Sprint felt bad for making everyone worry

And the other reindeer felt bad that they had teased Sprint in the way they did

And everyone knew better than to ever take each other for granted ever again

Now Christmas comes soon to Santa and his friends

They count down every day that passes as just one less day until their favorite holiday

And when the elves feasted on Christmas

As Santa flew through the night delivering his presents

Sprint sat at the head of the table for the Christmas Eve feast

And everyone would never forget

That friend’s can at times be quite different

And that they should be loved all the more for it




Izabel and the final move

A brave little girl named Izabel

After drinking tea with her best friend the Queen Red Dragon

Argued for a game of chess

Against the beautiful dragoness

And Izabel bet her bejeweled hairpin

Against the red dragon’s finest jewel of the hoard

And just when the red dragon thought she surely had Izabel pinned to the checker board

Izabel pushed one last piece forward

And earned herself the finest ruby in the pile of gold

And the Red Dragoness blushed at the beauty of the mind of Izabel

And Izabel glowed at the sight of the ruby large and red and lovely

And thereafter they met every week other past for a game of chess

And a lovely cup of tea

And they never bet on a game again

As each others company was quite enough for the night

Izabel and Her Dragoness

The red dragoness had a favorite tea set

Now a dragoness is very quite big

With thick red scales

A lovely mane of silver hair

And has jagged teeth and a set of claws

Unseen to most of the little pink people of the world

Now, as I’ve said, the dragoness had a favorite tea set

However her claws are far too awkward to fill the creamer

To dunk the chamomile tea into the pot

And to tip the little perfect tea pot over the little perfect tea cup

Until one day along came a little brown haired girl named Izabel

And Izabel, the fearless little girl she was

Was the best company a dragon could have

And the dragoness baked cookies on a rock for them with her fiery breath

Then Izabel poured tea with her delicate little fingers for the red dragoness

And they discussed the weather, and the news, and all the other little things that make a girl named Izabel and a red dragoness titter

And every Sunday after that they gathered with cookies and tea

And were friends for happily ever after

Pink Glass

When mother died the crystal vase by her bedside took the final fall to the earth with her

We swept the pieces from the floor next to her stained bed

When the pieces were all gathered they lay in a dustpan on the kitchen table next to the reading glasses she’d left there the night before

And next to the scraps left over from breakfast

When we fried eggs enveloped in her death and sorrow

I stared silently at the crusts of bread on their plates and at the pile of broken glass

Then I lifted the pieces

Cutting my fingers and palms

Fitting them together into an irreparable bloody unmistakable agony


When the slices in my hands began to sing agony

I dropped the pieces one by one into the bin

And proceeded to wash the pink dishes