The Day I Let The Devil Chop My Wood

The day I let the devil chop my wood


He arrived in overalls with a dog eared baseball cap and said

“Sir I noticed you have a mighty lot of wood out back and I’d like to chop it,”

And I said

“Boy you have red pointy ears sticking out around that cap”

“And cloven hooves and hairy red goat legs under those overalls. You don’t fool me”

And the devil said

“Sir I have a lot of hot, white steam to blow off and you have a lot of wood to split”

Now I know you should turn the devil away from your door

But he had his own axe and seemed a nice enough fella

So I said

“Well then chop that wood to tinders, but you are not allowed to cross my doorstep”

And Momma, cousin Earl, little sister Jeana, my friend Kellog and I

All jammed our heads into the big bay window and watched the devil go to work

He had his own axe

With a black handle and a red hot blade

And his tail

All cloven and point

Jabbed log after log and passed them to his left hand

And the devil chopped with his right, hairy, black finger nailed grip

And every stroke clove a green log in fresh halves

And smoke rose from the split

And the logs were charred and cut right down the middle

Cousin Earl muttered

“Aint that a sight”

We had a mighty big pile all stacked to be cut

And the devil sweat all day in what looked like milk

And in the end cut every log


Seeing us through the window

With steam pouring from his nostrils

He bent over and flashed once with an anal starfish

And stormed away

And I’ll be damned but not one of those logs would burn

And I’ll be damned but everyone of who handled the wood got the hives

So I guess that’s what will come

For letting the devil chop your wood


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